Giving Advice

In this week’s blog I want to explore my views on counselling and where it stands in relation to giving advice.

It is curious to note that the telephone directories categorise therapy under either “psychotherapy” or “counselling and advice”. This reinforces the notion that counselling is in some way about giving advice. Whilst some counsellors in some situations may give advice, this is not the essence of what counselling is about. Many clients are actively seeking advice. This may or may not be appropriate.

Some of the more clear cut cases for giving advice are where the client simply lacks the information needed, e.g. what resources of support may be available for care of the elderly, people with mental health issues or disabilities; information around child protection issues. If I do choose to give advice, I would hope to offer it tentatively as a suggestion that the client may or may not choose to take up.

Some of the more clear cut cases for not giving advice are where the client is struggling with the process of decision making, e.g. should I stay with my partner/job?, how do I stop feeling like this?

The problem with giving advice is that it is merely one person’s view of what to do and not the client’s view. It is not absolute truth. Therapists are trained to listen, engage with and help clients explore their experience of their world. Therapists are not all-knowing sages who know what is right for you. The danger of the therapist giving advice is that then takes away from the client, their chance to figure it out for themselves (with the therapists help through exploration), and that way empower themselves. Giving advice can deny the client the opportunity of learning to trust themselves in making decisions.

Edward DeBono, the great proponent of lateral thinking, outlined various stages for the process of decision making, including:-
- information gathering; 
- exploring all the possible, even seemingly irrational solutions; 
- evaluating all solutions; 
- choosing one; 
- taking action to implement that solution. 

Clients may have issues around any of these stages. I have never had a client who lacked the cognitive ability to perform these tasks. Usually, issues occur around the emotional aspects of these tasks:-
- “As soon as I am faced with a decision, I just can’t think”, 
- “I don’t know how I feel about these options”, 
- “What if I get it wrong”, 
- “I just want someone to reassure me that my decision is ok”.

There are lots of ways of working with these issues, but all are based in developing a trusting relationship with the therapist, so the client can dare to challenge themselves to try out something different in a safe environment.

Different therapists work in different ways. These lead to differing views on advice giving. I do not seek to make this a statement of what is right for everybody. Even where I have stated that something is clear cut – an experienced therapist may choose to give advice in a particular instance with a particular client as there may be other, more pressing, processes which call for it. 

If I gave advice to a client it might suggest that I don’t trust the client to be able to figure it out for themselves. That would tend to say more about my anxiety than the client’s, which is usually (but not always) enough to stop me giving advice. 

Thus, when a client is having difficulty in decision making, I would tend to explore the pros & cons of the options they perceive as available around the current situation. Ask them to evaluate how strong they feel about each of the pros & cons (e.g. score out of 10),compare scores and then come to a conclusion. Where I feel the options presented appear only to show the extremes, I may offer a middle-road option for them to evaluate. If I notice an emotional block in this process, I would then explore with the client what underlies that block. 

For example, if the decision making process is blocked by “What if I get it wrong?” we may find an underlying fear of failure & under that may be a fear from childhood (especially where the fear of failure has been lifelong). Along with the increasing awareness of their emotional blocks, we can propose an alternative process e.g. imagining a parent wishing them well. More subtly, the nurturing relationship I develop with the client helps them see themselves in a more positive, more powerful light, without the client necessarily being aware that this is going on.

This is merely one way of working with one kind of issue (which many clients have) but each client is unique and so I respond like a tuning fork, resonating with the way in which each client presents to me.


If you have any questions about this blog or any of the issues raised please feel free to contact me via my website: http://www.garycooktherapy.co.uk