I have written an earlier entry on what you can expect as a client of the therapist when you set up an initial appointment. In this week’s blog entry I want to help you understand what might be expected of you at a therapy session.
If you arranged to see the therapist at an agreed date & time, then you will be expected to show up as agreed. You may need to check beforehand whether the therapist has a waiting room. If not, then it is important you do not knock on the door before the appointment time as they may be still with another client. Think of how you would feel if someone knocked on the door during your session or was standing there at the door as you were leaving your session.
If you are unable to attend or know that you are going to be late, then as a matter of courtesy, it is important to advise the therapist with as much notice as possible. This could save you money on paying for a missed session as therapists charge for missed sessions, but may waive that if they have had sufficient notice. It depends on the therapist: for some it may be 24 hours, others 1 week, others would charge anyway.
Once you are through the door, then the expectations of you are very few. Obviously violence and abuse would be unacceptable, but this is extremely rare in my experience. However you present, and whatever you do say or don’t say, this will always be grist to the mill. You can’t get it wrong or be a “bad client”. If you talk about things that are inconsequential to your issues, I would wonder about that with you. Why? This may prove to be a fruitful exploration of your pattern of relating.
If you sit in silence, that is ok. Silences can vary, from a safe space enabling an internal exploration to, at the other extreme, one of escalating anxiety. If I thought it were in the latter part of the spectrum, I would check out with you if you are ok. If you are ok, then I would honour the silence. If not, then I might ask what is going on for you so you know that you don’t have to face the silence alone, and what that might mean for you.
This is my way of working. Other therapists may choose to leave any silence unbroken. This is not wrong, or right, it is just a different way of working.
If you don’t know what to say, that’s ok too. In the first few sessions it can be difficult to know how to start, where to start, how to convey a complex situation which may span many years. Clients sometimes ask me to help them by asking them questions. Whilst I might offer hints to start with, such clients usually develop confidence in their ability to find a way to express themselves without prompting from me.
It is common for clients to want to know more about their therapist. It can feel strange to share your deepest feelings of vulnerability, shame & intimacy with someone about whom you know very little, creating a pull to know more about them. It is not wrong to ask whatever question interests you, however, the therapist is unlikely to disclose much to you as this is unlikely to be in your interests. This can feel excruciatingly frustrating, almost a blight on the relationship which is central to the work. However, knowing where your therapist went on holiday, what they feel about some topical matter, is unlikely to be of use in your therapy. It would be more beneficial to explore with them why you want to know, what it feels like when the therapist doesn’t disclose this information. Disclosure is a topic of some debate between therapists working in different ways.
Thus, any behaviour is useful & interesting, as it expresses something about how you relate with others which is core to the work of exploring your experience of living.
I am giving you permission (just in case you feel you need it) to be whoever, however, and say whatever you want to and know that I will meet you with my acceptance, understanding, warmth & engagement.
If you have any questions about this blog or any of the issues raised please feel free to contact me via my website: http://www.garycooktherapy.co.uk
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