“How Will Just Talking Help?”

I have often heard concerns that therapy cannot help as they are unable to change their circumstances and so feel they cannot be helped. In this week’s blog, I address this concern head-on with various ways in which talking can and has helped many of my clients.

It can be a huge relief to simply tell someone else. Sometimes, in addition, there can be feelings of shame associated with admitting feeling hurt and upset. This may link to a sense of weakness for not being able to deal with your circumstances impassively on your own. Being listened to by someone who is not judging you and who is actively helping you explore your feelings and where you come from can help you develop a more compassionate understanding for yourself.

With more clients than I can count, by talking through their experience of their situation, they changed how they experienced the situation even when the situation didn’t change.  Bereavement counselling cannot bring back the person who was lost, but it very frequently helps you deal with your experience of that loss.

Some clients have had difficult relationships with their parents. They felt hooked by the pattern of relationship which had been present since childhood. They felt trapped in a cycle of resentment and guilt. By talking through these feelings, whilst the parents remained the same, the clients felt greater freedom to love and relate to their parents as they wished.

With trauma, there are safe and relaxing techniques which can allow panic reactions to be uncoupled from their triggering memories.

For some clients the very fact that someone can understand their experience helps them realise that they are understandable, and are therefore, not “losing it”.

Sometimes it is the very reactions themselves that use up all the client’s emotional resources, so they remain unable to process their experience by themselves. Gently unpicking the various threads of these experiences can gradually help the client to fully comprehend what’s happening within themselves and regain control.

There is even neuroscientific evidence to support the efficacy of listening.  Being heard and understood without judgement elicits the production of neuropeptides (oxytocin) in the brain. These chemicals help us feel good - an important evolutionary factor to help us co-operate as social animals.

Just talking can help you too.

If you have any questions about this blog or any of the issues raised please feel free to contact me via my website: http://www.garycooktherapy.co.uk